” you have to open your hands to let go what is holding you back so you can receive what is better for you”
It has been more than a month since I let you go. It was not an easy decision by any means. In fact, one of the hardest things I had to do. More often than not, I can’t help to think about you; our times together, riding on the fast lane, like there was no tomorrow. Time didn’t exist when we were together. It was pure joy, ecstasy like no other drug. I loved the way I rode you, like a wild horse. How the wind caressed my face , how your raw power vibrated my core. We spent some long years together and I enjoyed every second of them. Too much, I think.
And like everything that is done in excess, it becomes, like an addiction too much to handle.
Like a drug you were demanding more of me. More time to ride, more time away from home, more money to keep up with your high maintenance. I was blinded by your seductive attraction, by your speed by how happy I felt riding you. My world revolved around you and everything else or anyone who didn’t like how much I wanted you, I had no problem turning the other face like I didn’t care.
Everything comes to an end or a pause to take a broader view of the life I was leading and assess my priorities. In my case, it took a unfortunate yet inevitable event for the way I was handling things, to put the brakes on you.
I lost sight of what was important. The veil of freedom and self center righteousness obscured my vision. I didn’t want to hear the truth of reality despite of been ringing into my deaf ears for a long time. I neglected the most important thing in my life for going out with you…my family. By chasing my personal happiness, I was happy but the people most important to me were not happy. I broke the rule of happiness in my marriage: happiness must go both ways.
In retrospect, I could see it coming. From the moment I laid my eyes on you and brought you home you were not welcomed. You preferred to ride with me only and didn’t like her, my wife, to ride along and truth be told she didn’t like you either.
Every time I went out with you, there was always an issue day or night. I didn’t see it before because I was living the single man’s life, justifying my riding and time with you as a reward of my hard work. The bickering became upsetting and riding emotionally painful. It was not much fun anymore. I was not at peace and prefer not to ride anymore.
Only then I realized what needed to be done and took me more time to finally do it. I cried, like a little boy when I let go of you. Watching you being handle by others and away from me brought me to tears. Knowing it will be the last time together, I rode you like I stole you and still letting go was one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced.
So, so long my iron horse. I enjoyed the good times riding. Now it’s time for me to take care of the ranch until we get a better horse that we both can ride and enjoy together….the way it should have been in the first place.