You probably thought of the love for a cat, which for some it’s as strong and powerful as any relationship with a human being. However, I am not talking about cats , I am a dog lover myself, but I am not talking about dogs either. I am talking about relationships, human relationships and what I think it takes to have a successful relationship between two people. In a relationship there are key ingredients to really love that person, to care for his/her needs and be loved and cared back the same way. In my experience, though there are many qualities that makes a successful relationship last for years to come, I find three essential ingredients that are most important for a successful relationship: Communication, Affection and Trust .
Communication: means to me the interaction with that significant person in your life. The exchange of words and feelings between two people who made a committment whether in marriage or in a friendship to communicate words and feelings to understand each other, growing fond to each other over time. Communication can be verbal, expressing thoughts and feelings openly, sharing ideas and beliefs that strengthens the relationship as time passes by. Communication can be also non-verbal and it is usually the non-verbal communication, the body language and gestures that its taken into consideration after many years in a relationship. It is not only what it’s being said but how its being said that matters most after many years in relationship with a person and if the communication is affected, the message from sender to receiver never arrives as intended or is gravely distorted. People want to grow old with someone they can communicate, understand, listen and be listen to in a relationship. Can you imagine living with someone you can’t communicate with?
Affection: include all its meanings that is love, liking, fondness, friendliness, care and regard for that person. Name one person who doesn’t like affection; everybody likes to be loved, feel the energy between two people, feel respected, cared for, and listen to. The person receiving the affection will or should treat the other person with the same affection as these feelings are rooted deep into the subconsciousness and even in our souls. If the affection is strong and well rooted, it may never be affected by any external circumstances. People who love each other will stick together in good times as well as in bad times. However, if you don’t feel the affection from the other person, problems will soon arise from this relationship. People need affection and when it is not there or declining in quality, it is one’s duty in that relationship to bring it forth to the attention of the other person in that relationship. Timing is critical!
Trust: the most important to me. It means that you can rely, have the confidence or belief in the other person’s words and feelings. It means that you can depend on that person no matter what and the relationship between each other feels protected after expressing such words and feelings of trust. Without trust , a relationship cannot thrive successfully because without trust the communication is greatly affected and eventually the affection towards that person is affected thus killing the once solid roots of the relationship. There is nothing else to hold on in a relationship if trust is affected and it is the hardest to re-establish.
If you relationship is ever challenged by the lacking or poor quality of these three, Communication, Affection and Trust, you must take charge to make the other person aware of it. I believe LOVE cannot flourish, cannot grow if these ingredients are not present in any relationship.
- Don’t wait too long: If you wait too long, the damages may be harder to repair and most important the essence of the relationship is affected so bad that it has no value. If it has no value to at least one person in that relationship, the relationship will stop growing, communication will be even harder as both parties will be voicing and expressing reasons why it is not working, finding blame and creating resentment. Happiness will fade away as any attempt to make a workable solution will be subject to objection. As resentment and differences in opinion sets in, the affection will wither up over time and eventually the relationship will die. All this could have been avoided by expressing your concerns as soon as you notice them.
- Be tactful yet firm: You must be tactful yet firm communicating your concerns and make sure that the other person is really LISTENING to your feelings and understands your concerns. Also you must be willing to listen to that person’s point of view and make your best effort to understand that person. It works both ways and never one way!
- Be patient, but don’t die in the process: if you really want the relationship to work, you have to be patient, willing to compromise and be consistent in your efforts. However, you must watch for a mutual reciprocity of your efforts or otherwise you will die alone trying to make the relationship work. As I stated before, it goes both ways or none at all. You may try as you might but if both in the relationship are not committed 100% in to making it work, might as well kiss the relationship goodbye!
“In a relationship, it is all as one or none at all. Love is unconditional”