Every couple struggles at one point to maintain harmony in their relationship and neglecting it will surely cause the relationship to erode away. Stress related to work, personal or health issues and money are the primary. However there are other issues related to the emotional aspect of the relationship. Lack of communication, lack of compassion on your partner and failure to find understanding and resolution are issues that when disregarded or not taken into consideration slowly but surely takes away any love remaining in that relationship. No one really likes the blame game and for some it’s all about who came on top at the end of an argument. I like to share this excerpt of the 100/0 principle that can help in any relationship to prosper in harmony. I must confess that I find the concept challenging because I know that a simple conversation can turn into a nasty argument very quickly and out of control with terrible consequences. Yet, it is worth to try and try until succeed.
An Excerpt from
The 100/0 Principle
by Al Ritter
What is the most effective way to create and sustain great relationships with others? It’s The 100/0 Principle: You take full responsibility (the 100) for the relationship, expecting nothing (the 0) in return.
Implementing The 100/0 Principle is not natural for most of us. It takes real commitment to the relationship and a good dose of self-discipline to think, act and give 100 percent.
The 100/0 Principle applies to those people in your life where the relationships are too important to react automatically or judgmentally. Each of us must determine the relationships to which this principle should apply. For most of us, it applies to work associates, customers, suppliers, family and friends.
STEP 1 – Determine what you can do to make the relationship work…then do it. Demonstrate respect and kindness to the other person, whether he/she deserves it or not.
STEP 2 – Do not expect anything in return. Zero, zip, nada.
STEP 3 – Do not allow anything the other person says or does (no matter how annoying!) to affect you. In other words, don’t take the bait.
STEP 4 – Be persistent with your graciousness and kindness. Often we give up too soon, especially when others don’t respond in kind. Remember to expect nothing in return.
At times (usually few), the relationship can remain challenging, even toxic, despite your 100 percent commitment and self-discipline. When this occurs, you need to avoid being the “Knower” and shift to being the “Learner.” Avoid Knower statements/ thoughts like “that won’t work,” “I’m right, you are wrong,” “I know it and you don’t,” “I’ll teach you,” “that’s just the way it is,” “I need to tell you what I know,” etc.
Instead use Learner statements/thoughts like “Let me find out what is going on and try to understand the situation,” “I could be wrong,” “I wonder if there is anything of value here,” “I wonder if…” etc. In other words, as a Learner, be curious!
This may strike you as strange, but here’s the paradox: When you take authentic responsibility for a relationship, more often than not the other person quickly chooses to take responsibility as well. Consequently, the 100/0 relationship quickly transforms into something approaching 100/100. When that occurs, true breakthroughs happen for the individuals involved, their teams, their organizations and their families.